I’m OK

Today I saw my psychiatrist for the first time in a little while and the timing was perfect. Over the last few days, I started to think about what we would talk about. More specifically I thought about how I would answer that first loaded question – “How are you?” The more I thought about it, the more I realised that the answer was – “Not that good”.

All the signs were there. Since my little dose of COVID at Christmas I had been a bit flat. Not riding my bike, not finding moments of joy in the every day, not really wanting to leave the house, and avoiding social situations (more than normal) – I was more my depressed self than my normal self.

When I look back at this blog, I see when it started – this blog is for me just as much as it is for you dear reader. This is where I write my truth, mostly for me, but also for anybody who wants to come on this journey with me. I guess this is my way of starting a conversation about mental health – what better way to start than to talk about myself – at least I know what I’m talking about!

I look back at that post from earlier this month, and things didn’t get better. All those promises I made to myself this year were falling by the wayside. I was thinking too much about power, segment times and numbers and just not enjoying riding my bike. The “People ain’t no good” post – lol so much for my promise of being more open to people.

Funnily enough, it was the thinking about what I would say when my psychiatrist asked RUOK? that turned a few light bulbs on. Don’t get me wrong talking about it sure helped and together we developed a bit of a plan. We’ll check in again in a few weeks and I’m pretty confident, things will be better.

To be honest, I feel much better just talking about it today. It’s great to be able to put a feeling and a timeline and a shape to it all. While I’m lucky enough to have a trained health professional to talk to, the real power is in that first question – Are you OK? and having the courage to answer it honestly.

I was married to a Psychiatrist for a long time and was constantly amazed at the deeply personal stories people would tell her in normal social situations. I was amazed at this superpower and asked her for its secret. It’s simple, she said – “Just ask people and listen to what they say”. To my incredible amazement, it works.

Now that you have that little secret – the superpower is yours.

Use it wisely – just ask somebody RUOK?