I didn’t want to ride my bike yesterday – it was a sign. If I had a job, I would have gotten up and gone to work. I would have been distracted by the daily life shaped around a workday routine. But I don’t work, so today I didn’t leave the house. This is what my version of depression looks like.
I didn’t have a scheduled ride to get me out the door. I couldn’t quite bring myself to ride alone today or do any of the myriads of little jobs that I have to get done. Instead, I watched a bit of the Australian Open tennis on TV and mostly felt sorry for myself. It hasn’t been one of my best days, but that’s ok.
I have so much to be thankful for, a roof over my head, financial security etc, etc.
Right now, I don’t really have the focus or energy to finish this post, but this is what I do know.
I’ve got all my support structures in place – if I need them.
Things will get better.
I need to be kind to myself – everybody can have a bad day now and then.
Tomorrow, if I ride my bike with my friends, things will be a lot better.
So I’ll set the alarm, get a good night’s sleep and try again tomorrow.
